back the fuck up
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out
This just keeps getting better
That was Zhuge Liang and it wasn’t tea, he sat down and played a chill song on his guqin. Zhuge Liang had such a reputation as calculating mastermind that his opponent assumed he had an ambush prepared and fucked off.
It’s thought to be a fictional incident but the “empty fort strategy” does appear in the Thirty-Six Strategems, which is attributed to Zhuge Liang (who was a real person), so yeah.
Other things Zhuge Liang was notable for include insulting his enemies with burns so sick that they literally died. (He did this more than once)
Life Goals: Zhuge Liang
This is…*puts on sunglasses*
10 EXTRA HOURS IN THE OMEGA BALLPIT
saying feminism is unnecessary because you don’t feel oppressed is like saying fire extinguishers are unnecessary because your house isn’t on fire
hey someone told me you remind them of an owl
So in the comics Hawkeye has 80% hearing loss.
The Black Widow is Russian.
Can you imagine when they’re on a mission and something goes wrong; the police are about to arrest them and they fall back on Plan H.
Black Widow, “So remember, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English”
I like how all of these 11-17 year olds are just going to school with vampires and werewolves and giant spiders and vicious three-headed dogs in their backyard, yet they need a permission slip with an iron-clad parent/guardian signature to go have a harmless butterbeer at the nearby wizarding village.
Okay, Hogwarts. Okay.